I often muse upon the development of resilience within the seemingly untraceable lasting impacts of traumatic events within an individual’s infancy. Buried deep within the colorful spheres of my memory bank, today, these moments in which an individual rises above await the trigger to send the memory up the pipes leading to my brain that shake up my neurons and carry the potential to drive an individual insane.
As a newborn, I laid in a place where the sun does not reach unless it is brought with you. I was teetering on the brink of life and death under swathes of green drapes in the operating theatre as nearby sirens did not offer my family reassurance and the doctors and medical team abruptly closed the curtains. As the hospital staff remained acutely aware that my family was going through the worst experience of their lives, the punch in my parents stomach erupted as nurses organized their tray of instruments that were preparing to be inserted into their feeble newborn infant.
I began developing a temperament that was poetically artistic and seemingly mystic as my sensitive lung tissue lacked the necessary resistance to withstand the invasion of a pneumonic germ and I yearned for the comfort of my mother’s chest as she studied my face, toes, ribs and cradled me in her nest. My heart was racing and my blood pressure was puzzlingly low as I engulfed the high concentration of oxygen that was given to me as surgeons implanted an extracorporeal membrane oxygenation machine that took over the workings of my heart and lungs while routing my blood. Needless to say, it comes as no surprise that I was on the verge of death the moment that I was born of flesh.
A strange and soothing peace comes over me while musing upon vivid recollections of attempting to analyze the mere thought of my near death within my youth. Although poetic and chimerical, I have befriended the simple satisfactions of living and my vivacious impulse for aliveness by plunging into the chilling awareness of my near-death. This timelessly puzzling dimension of reality is impermanent. There is infinite potential lying latent within that is begging for you to ignite and share toward the betterment of both your world and the human race. A vital substance of truly living with a buoyancy of spirit stems from the stripping of delusions and false musings of immortality. There is no inevitable tomorrow and the unredeemable yesterday keeps oneself aware of the gift of right now and today.